


This Side of Paradise

by Practicemakesperfect



Series: Baeksoo Oneshots (/short stories/drabbles) [16]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Experimental Style, Family Conflict, M/M, Oneshot, References to Illness, waiter baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: It's 8:08. Time to make a wish.Where Baekhyun is a waiter and, as all these stories go, falls in love.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun & Kim Jongdae | Chen, Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Series: Baeksoo Oneshots (/short stories/drabbles) [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030035
Comments: 19
Kudos: 34





	This Side of Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Are you lonely?  
> (Are you lonely?)  
> Our fingers dancing when they meet  
> You seem so lonely  
> (Are you lonely?)  
> I'll be the only dream you seek  
> So if you're lonely, no need to show me  
> If you're lonely come be lonely with me

It’s chaos in the kitchens at 7:37 pm, waiters and busboys rushing past as new orders are called to the chef. Baekhyun has the gracefulness it takes to navigate the traffic and the balance it takes to carry two full trays as he does, holding them high over his head to avoid bumping into customers lost on their way to the bathrooms. The lights are dim orange and the chatter overtakes the music but Baekhyun loves the energy of it all. Ask anyone who knows him and they’ll say the same thing: in no other time is Baekhyun more alive than when he’s at the restaurant.

A particular conversation with a little girl and her artistic aspirations has Baekhyun beaming when he returns to the kitchens. He has the circular trays tucked beneath his arm and nearly drops them when he feels a tug at the back of his apron.

Chanyeol, his coworker and now best friend, tightens the black string and pats his butt affectionately. “8:08, Byun. Make a wish!”

It’s a running joke of sorts between the staff. 8:08, thirty minutes before the end of rush hour. Make a wish.

Baekhyun pretends to think about it and grins, slapping Chanyeol’s butt in retaliation. “Wish made.”

“You won’t tell me?” is Chanyeol’s distant pout but Baekhyun is already walking away, laughing.

He smells like every meal on the menu when he gets off of work. He’s always the last one out. It’s become a habit, volunteering to close, and he likes it because it means he has time to adjust to the quiet. _Kenopsia,_ that’s what he’s read the feeling is, witnessing a place that’s usually bustling with energy empty and silent. He wipes down the tables and turns the sign and locks the doors before peeling off his apron and going to his car. It’s 10:10 at that point, usually, so Baekhyun takes the opportunity to make another wish before driving home.

His apartment building, as dilapidated as it is from the outside, is actually in decent condition when you walk in. Baekhyun takes the elevator because he’s too tired for anything else but still manages the energy to bounce on his toes as he waits. 

Jongdae is waiting for him on the couch when he opens the door. He’s someone Baekhyun considers his best friend beside Chanyeol, though the fact that he still ranks a little higher isn’t surprising since they’ve been friends since they were kids. Both of their mothers had been close so it’s only natural that they were too. Baekhyun couldn’t choose a better roommate; he really is lucky that way.

“Finally, you’re back.” He says it like Baekhyun isn’t always working the closing shift. He’s lying on the couch, feet propped up and a book in his lap, as usual. “Want to play videogames?”

Baekhyun wants to. He really does, but he also just wants to take a shower and go to sleep. Unfortunately, it’s the latter that wins out after a minute of internal war. “Sorry,” is all he has to say for Jongdae to groan.

“Weak.” But there’s worry there, and Jongdae being Jongdae sends him a reassuring smile, opening his book again. “Good night then.”

“Yeah. Good night.”

He meets Kyungsoo on a Friday during the busiest hours of his shift, and he’s making a wish even before it hits 8:08.

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo before Baekhyun notices him. His back is turned and he can’t hear the two of them chatting as Chanyeol leads him to the table behind him, but when he turns around, laughing from something the nice lady at the table he’s waiting on said, he meets eyes with him and the world seems to stop for a second.

 _Are you okay?_ from beside him and he snaps out of it. “I’m good!” he says, tearing his gaze away. He strides past Chanyeol and although Chanyeol is still taking the brown-eyed man’s order he still manages to catch up before Baekhyun can hide away in the kitchen.

He’s grinning. “Let’s trade tables, yeah?”

Even though he’s rolling his eyes he doesn’t disagree. It’s too obvious when he shows up with Kyungsoo’s order on his tray, making some bullshit excuse to explain the switch in waiters, but it doesn’t matter because he seems happy to see him anyway. They exchange names and it’s enough to satiate him, really it is, Kyungsoo will be just another attractive guy he’ll forget about after he closes the restaurant, but there’s a number left on the table with his tip and Baekhyun stuffs it into the front of his apron, ignoring Chanyeol’s teasing smile.

He calls Kyungsoo that night and they talk until morning.

“Are you going out on a date or something?”

Baekhyun curses and covers his chest, though there are probably other places he should be covering standing in the middle of his room with only his boxers on. Jongdae never knocks. He kicks a shirt at him but it doesn’t make it very far. “Can you please tell me before you barge in here? We aren’t ten anymore. It’s getting a little weird.”

Jongdae snorts. “Yeah, you’re right.” He pauses. “Actually, you’re _really_ right. I still can’t get that one time I walked in on you mastur--”

“Shut up before I actually kill you.”

“--out of my head. Anyway, are you? What’s with all the clothes?”

“It’s… not a date. I’m just hanging out with a friend.”

“A _girl_ friend?”

“No!”

Jongdae gasps. “So it is a date!”

Baekhyun mutters a fuck you but Jongdae has known he isn’t entirely straight since they were fourteen and he checked out some kid during Zoomba day in gym. He still blames Jongin for outing him, though it wasn’t really his fault he was such a good dancer.

“Who is it? Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun jolts at the name. “What? How did you know?”

“You’re so loud when you talk on the phone. Have you noticed I have eye bags now? Whose fault do you think that is?”

He knows Jongdae is exaggerating but the light in his room is shitty so he really thinks he can see eye bags. “Sorry.”

“I’m kidding but I’m also mad at you for not telling me about him. So? Where’d you meet him and where are you going with him?”

Baekhyun shrugs, turning back to his closet while Jongdae flops on his bed. “It was at work. I took his order… I don’t know. He gave me his number and that’s pretty much it.”

“What’s his zodiac sign?”

“Uh… January 12, so…”

He pulls out a shirt and sees Jongdae nod. “Capricorn. Nice. I’m convinced, good choice.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, smiling in spite of himself. “What, is Taurus x Capricorn a thing?”

“According to my sister it is.” Neither he nor Baekhyun believe in zodiacs, but it’s a well-known fact that Jongdae’s sister is obsessed. Jongdae checks out the shirt and holds out his hand for a thumbs up. “Pair that up with those beige cargo pants you have. It’s a good first date outfit. Not trying too hard, but still looks good.”

“It’s not a date,” Baekhyun says. But it sounds like a lie even to his own ears. “Okay,” he allows. “It’s kind of… I don’t know. We’re friends.”

“Where are you going?”

“A restaurant…”

Jongdae nods, doesn’t even bother to act convinced. “Sure, friends.”

It’s a mixture of feelings when Kyungsoo shows up at his apartment to pick him up, wearing a button up shirt and light blue jeans and leaning over the passenger seat to open the door for him. In the pit of his stomach is the knowledge that this is a bad idea. But Baekhyun gets in and they start talking, and he forgets.

“Are you sure you don’t secretly dislike me?” Kyungsoo only looks over at him when they’re at a red light, maybe because he’s a goodie two shoes, maybe because he doesn’t want to get distracted.

“No. I mean, yes? You know what I mean. Why?”

Kyungsoo bites his lip, distracting Baekhyun instead. “I still can’t believe you’ve been too busy to go out with me for a month.”

 _Go out with me._ Baekhyun’s brain stops there for a moment before whirring to life when Kyungsoo glances over, this time when the light turns green. A car honks behind them. “I work a lot. And on the weekends I’m usually busy. Or tired.”

It’s unconvincing, Baekhyun knows. But to Kyungsoo’s credit he doesn’t say anything about it. “Why do you work there?”

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun sighs, stretches in his seat. They’re almost at the restaurant. He’d never heard of the name before, but apparently it’s Kyungsoo’s favorite place to eat, other than the restaurant he works at (though that allowance sounds more like flattery than the truth.) “I like it a lot. I like talking to people. It’s nice to make them smile after a long day, you know?”

“You’re good at it,” Kyungsoo comments. It’s harmless, he’s pulling into the parking lot but Baekhyun feels something flutter in his chest at the compliment.

They eat dinner in the restaurant and sit outside which, according to Kyungsoo, is the best place. There are fairy lights next to them and the moon is full in the clear night sky, and Baekhyun is terrified and taken by how easy it is to laugh with him.

“I’m fine, dad.” Baekhyun is flipping through a pamphlet as he sits at the kitchen counter of his apartment, which is empty at the moment since Jongdae is at work. His dad sounds worried on the other end of the line. He always does. Baekhyun is skimming over the words on the page and doesn’t realize he isn’t taking anything in until he’s already halfway down. “Yeah,” he says, tracing his eyes back up. “I know. Love you. Bye.”

Sighing, Baekhyun hangs up. He’s twenty-three years old already. Why his father still treats him like a kid is beyond him.

Not feeling like reading anymore, Baekhyun closes the pamphlet and pushes it to the side. His arm still feels sore from getting his blood drawn. It’s a regular checkup for him but he still hates it. They can never find his vein the first time. And as the saying goes, if at first you don’t succeed…

Baekhyun cringes at the joke and goes to get a glass of water, body heavy. It’s a side effect of getting his blood drawn, he knows, but also a feeling he’s familiar with recently. He’s been tired a lot. His dad keeps suggesting he take time off of work, offering to send money, but Baekhyun refuses to do that. He can handle himself. Besides, working at the restaurant is one of the only things that gives him energy these days. The other, if he’ll admit it, is Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun goes to his room and huddles under his comforter against the cold. It is officially the middle of autumn, and while Baekhyun has always been sensitive to the cold, he feels like it’s even worse this year. He has two layers on and then a blanket, and he’s still freezing.

Then he’s thinking about Kyungsoo again. The other day they’d gone to the city, window shopping and chatting, walking beside the river and eating dinner before going back by train. He knew it was going to be cold, so of course he’d brought a jacket, but they were leaning on the railing looking over the river and he was shivering. 

“Cold?” Kyungsoo asked, drawing closer. He unzipped his jacket and put his hands in the pockets, then put his arms around Baekhyun, enveloping him in warmth. He’s shorter than Baekhyun by a bit so it was kind of a funny feeling, being held that way. “You’re shaking,” Kyungsoo murmured. Baekhyun drew in a breath.

“I get cold easily.” Admitting weakness; that wasn’t very like him. Still, it had to be obvious. Baekhyun pushed back a bit, not to force him away but to get closer.

“Should we go somewhere else? It’s colder by the river.”

“No,” Baekhyun said. “It’s fine.”

“Let’s go.”

“No, I’m really…”

Kyungsoo pulled away and zipped up his jacket. He took Baekhyun’s hand gently, tugging him away from the railing. “Come on. There’s a bakery nearby I want to visit.”

It was the brightest he’d ever seen Kyungsoo when they finally made the long walk to the bakery. It was warm inside, smelling of berries and sugar and sweets, and Kyungsoo looked like a kid perusing the pastries with his frames in between his fingertips, pressing them closer to his face. Baekhyun couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement, how he bought way more than they could eat even on the way home, but it was a good call because he still has some of the cupcakes on the kitchen counter and Jongdae loves them. Kyungsoo’s favorite was the blackberry one; there are three left over and Baekhyun thinks they’re becoming his favorite too.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said to him on the train ride to the city. “I’m taking up all of your time.”

And it’s strange, the way Kyungsoo has managed to crawl into his life. They go out and call and sometimes he even drops by the restaurant just so Baekhyun can do as he says, make his day better. He’s even met Jongdae once waiting for Baekhyun to get out of work and the two hit it off. He knows Jongdae likes him and doesn’t miss the way he pointedly tries to get Baekhyun to hang out with him more, though he’s already doing that even without the pushing. 

“I want you to” was what Baekhyun was unable to stop himself from saying, but before he could regret it Kyungsoo’s eyes were crescents and Baekhyun’s thoughts fizzled away.

His body feels weaker each passing day.

He knows what he should be doing, of course he does, but instead he goes to work and goes home and sleeps, rinse repeat. Jongdae keeps offering to spot him cash if that’s the issue. He’s beginning to sound like his father, asking him if he’s okay all the time. Even Chanyeol’s noticed there’s something wrong; once he offered to drive him home, twice he insisted he close the restaurant instead. 

The only person in his life who he feels hasn’t caught on is Kyungsoo, because he’s been bent on avoiding him. The answers to his texts are brief. When he calls he ignores the rings, then tells him he was busy or sleeping. When he visits the restaurant he avoids his table or has one of his coworkers take him instead, pretending like he doesn’t have the time to share a glance with him or a short greeting. It’s easier to do this with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo doesn’t push him. He doesn’t overstep any boundaries without his permission. He’s too polite and too much of a goodie two shoes to look without a red light, so Baekhyun succeeds at keeping his distance, until he doesn’t.

He’s waiting for him after his shift. Chanyeol tells Baekhyun to leave earlier, looking worried for him, and Baekhyun is too exhausted to argue. He takes off his apron before he even gets out of the building and sees Kyungsoo just outside the door, reaching out.

He doesn’t give Kyungsoo the apron. Instead he puts it between his knees so he can put on his coat, and Kyungsoo lowers his hand.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says, trying for the peppy waitressy voice but sounding more dead than anything else. He clears his throat, tries again. “What are you doing out here?”

“Are you avoiding me?”

It had to be obvious, but he’s still asking. Baekhyun wets his lips. “I…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t wait for an answer. “Can I drive you home?”

“Why?”

“You look tired.”

Baekhyun feels sick. He hesitates for only a second but the ache is already there. For the short amount of time he’s talked to him, he already knows: he misses him. “What about you?”

“I took a taxi here. It’s fine.”

He passes Kyungsoo the car keys. For once they aren’t talking. They just go to his car and Baekhyun leans his head against the window, clutching his apron in his hands. He feels hot, but cold, and there’s a pressure on his temple that’s making him want to throw up.

“Baekhyun. Hey.” Kyungsoo’s eyes soften when he turns to him at the touch of his hand, lifting his head. “We’re here.”

Kyungsoo gets out and helps him up, and although Baekhyun insists he can make it up by himself he goes with him anyway. He doesn’t mean to but he’s leaning against Kyungsoo in the elevator, looking at their blurry reflection in the elevator doors.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Why?”

“For…”

“For avoiding me? Or because I brought you home?”

“Both.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “You should be sorry. About the first part. But I want to help you. It’s not a burden or anything… sometimes I get the feeling that you think it is.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes for a moment, but the elevator doors open and they have to move again. “I’m not very fun right now, am I?’

The small laugh he gets in response warms him a bit. “No, but that’s okay. I like you like this too. I like all of you.”

His chest aches. They’re at the door, and he’s slotting in the key. Jongdae gets up from the couch the instant he sees the two of them, and Kyungsoo passes Baekhyun to him.

“Make sure he rests,” Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s imagining the bit of sadness in his eyes.

Jongdae holds onto Baekhyun, nodding. When he locks the door and Kyungsoo is gone, he sets him on the couch to make him a warm drink. He looks like he wants to scold him, wants to cry, wants to hug him, but instead he hands him the mug and leans against the counter. Instead of all that he says, “You look like shit.”

He goes to the doctor after that.

Jongdae says it’s about time, drives him there himself. Although it’s only a fever and Baekhyun’s had fevers before, he knows it’s been a while of Jongdae being worried. They run tests and when he gets the results back it’s unsurprising. He’s seen these symptoms before; none of this is new. It’s part of the reason why Jongdae was so worried. He’s seen them too.

“Dae.” Baekhyun’s looking out the window, his cheek against his palm. “Can we go somewhere?”

They’ve just come from the hospital. Jongdae nods. “Where do you want to go?”

Maybe it’s in some ways selfish of Baekhyun to want to visit his mom’s grave. Selfish because Jongdae is here and he considered her a second mother too, and now Baekhyun is sick like her and Jongdae, really he’s the one who would hurt the most. But he doesn’t say anything and drives the two of them there. They stand in front of her name until Baekhyun gets tired and sits down, touching the golden letters and wondering what kind of wish she would have made if she were here. He doesn’t feel like crying, not really, but Jongdae is and he pulls him down to hug him.

“I’m scared,” Jongdae says. “Don’t leave me alone.”

Baekhyun laughs a little. “I’m not going to die yet, Dae.”

“Fuck you. Don’t say yet.”

“We all die someday.” Jongdae squeezes him tighter and Baekhyun rubs his back. “If anything, I’d rather go before you. Then I won’t have to deal with it.”

“Wow, asshole. So you’d rather I’m lonely and depressed instead?”

Baekhyun doesn’t feel like crying but then he does, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yeah.” His chest is tight. “I’m sorry, Dae.”

Jongdae shakes his head. “Shut up. I’m not leaving you, okay? I’m going to stick with you forever.”

“Okay,” and he’s not crying, but the bubble has expanded in his chest to the point where it’s hard to breathe, “Okay.”

He can’t work as much anymore.

He’s surprised he can work at all. His manager extends him the courtesy of letting him work half the time he used to, although he’s certain he’s easily replaceable, but most of his hours are spent at home reading pamphlets and going to the doctor’s. Most, because the rest are spent with Jongdae or Kyungsoo.

Sometimes Kyungsoo comes over and the three of them play video games. Other times it’s just Kyungsoo and the two of them put on a movie to watch. He hasn’t told Kyungsoo yet. But he’s sure it’s obvious with the way he’s gotten thinner, weaker, he hates how he looks when he does in the mirror, especially when Kyungsoo is at the door. Kyungsoo wouldn’t say anything anyway. So Baekhyun pretends like nothing is wrong and that Kyungsoo doesn’t know something is wrong, even though Kyungsoo always brings him warm food and handles him like something fragile. Only once he’s snapped at Kyungsoo’s care. It was stupid, really. They were at the boardwalk. He’d wanted to go to the beach, so Kyungsoo drove them down despite the fact that it was freezing and there was nothing to do at the boardwalk during the fall. He stepped down off of the wood and onto the sand, and Kyungsoo said “be careful,” and it was just that, harmless, but Baekhyun snapped anyway.

“I’m not a fucking kid. I can stand by myself.”

Instantly, Kyungsoo backed off. Of course he did; Baekhyun couldn’t imagine him fighting back, even if he was right. He released his arm. “You’re right,” he said. “You aren’t.”

Baekhyun turned around and went out onto the sand. Regret was already pooling in his stomach but he didn’t apologize because the words were stuck in his throat. It was cold the way he knew it would be, the wind harsh against his face, but he still walked towards the ocean without hesitation. 

He knew Kyungsoo was behind him when he stopped at the edge. The water touched the edge of his shoes before backing off again. He could see the waves, restless, relentless. He bent down and put a palm against the wet sand. “Do you like swimming, Kyungsoo?”

Beside him, Kyungsoo knelt down. He balanced on his heels and looked at Baekhyun’s hand. “Yeah. I learned how to swim when I was a kid and went out a lot to the beach. I never joined the swim team though. Too competitive for me.”

Baekhyun smiled. “That seems like you. Not wanting to race, just wanting to swim.”

“Do you? Like swimming, I mean. Or racing.”

“Both. I joined the swim team for a bit before I had to quit, but it’s okay. I love swimming. It’s really…”

He trailed off at the feeling of Kyungsoo’s hand on his. He swallowed; Kyungsoo squeezed his hand. “Yeah?”

“Kyungsoo, I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Snapping at you.” Baekhyun felt like he was fighting with himself, digging his fingers in the sand, but he lost and turned his hand over, slotting their fingers together. “You were only worried. I don’t know why I did.”

Kyungsoo searched his face, shook his head. “No, you were right. You aren’t a kid. You can handle yourself. But remind me never to make you angry. You’re scary when you’re mad.” He laughed, Baekhyun’s chest ached again, but he was standing and pulling him up. “I’m getting cold. Can we go back to the car now?”

Baekhyun couldn’t tell if he was just saying that for him, but he didn’t care. He let Kyungsoo lead him away from the ocean, still clasping his hand.

He doesn’t hold anything against the woman his father fell in love with, if only that he finds her laugh annoying. He jokes around as he always does, gives attention to his half-siblings who are ten years younger than him and tells stories while they eat. He has to. When he first walked into the house he grew up in it felt like he was walking on eggshells, like everyone was, his dad and her looking at him with worry while pretending not to. Baekhyun’s avoided going home because he knew it would be like this. Though, after a couple of drinks and well-timed jokes, he can see the concern slip away from their expressions. He’s just Baekhyun again, lively, a waiter at heart. 

When dinner is over he offers to help clean up, but his dad’s wife insists on letting him go home early to rest. His father stops him at the door.

“You don’t have to pay us back,” he says. _Us._ Baekhyun thinks he might be sick again. “I heard you aren’t working as much. Just for a little bit, let us help you.”

Jongdae must have told him. “Dad, you don’t have to feel guilty.”

He doesn’t even have to say anything more. The hurt in his eyes tells him he gets it. “Are you still upset with me? I’m sorry. You have every right to be.”

“Yeah. I do.” It’s a biting reply, but in the next second the emotions leave him and he shakes his head. “I don’t believe that, dad. It’s okay. I don’t blame you. It’s hard… to be with a sick person.”

“Baekhyun. It’s not about that. I’m just worried about you.”

“Giving me money and calling me every week isn’t going to make up for you choosing to leave mom.”

Instantly, Baekhyun knows he’s messed up. It's quick, the movement that follows, and he's flinching, but nothing happens. Instead when he looks up his father is lowering his hand, looking horrified. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to… I promise I wasn’t going to hit you. I just--”

“It’s fine.”

“You know I loved your mother.”

Baekhyun smiles. His dad falters. “You don’t have to say that, dad. I don’t blame you. Not anymore. And you know, I think now that I’m sick too I get how mom must have felt. I don’t think she would have blamed you either.” He puts his hands in his pockets and steps back. “Thanks for dinner, dad. I don’t want your money.”

It’s getting harder and harder for Baekhyun to pretend Kyungsoo isn’t everything to him. Each time they meet he feels like he’s dying, he _is_ dying but doesn’t want to when he’s with him. It’s Kyungsoo’s birthday and he knows instinctively why Kyungsoo chose to spend it with him but he won’t think about it. It’s funny, really, how this is the first time he’s ever been to Kyungsoo’s apartment, which is every bit as neat and organized as he’d expected it to be. Unlike Baekhyun and Jongdae he lives alone, and the place reflects the only owner it has. Movies on a shelf, a stuffed animal or two on the couch, a sparkling clean kitchen. Kyungsoo apologizes for the mess which is just a pile of papers on the coffee table. Baekhyun thinks it’s immaculate.

They watch some of his favorite movies and Kyungsoo cooks a meal, which Baekhyun finds so funny because it’s his birthday, yet Baekhyun is the one being served. But Kyungsoo looks so happy when he compliments the food so he makes sure to eat it all, although he truthfully hasn’t had much of an appetite since he’s started taking medication. 

“Can we bake?” Kyungsoo sounds like a kid. Baekhyun laughs.

“Why are you asking me? It’s your birthday. And this is your house.”

“But do you want to?” He looks so hopeful. Baekhyun feels so in love. 

“I…” Kyungsoo’s expression falters, but Baekhyun was just caught up in that thought, love, he moves on before his heart can sink and Kyungsoo gets sad. “Sorry, I got distracted. I want to do whatever you want to do.”

Kyungsoo looks apprehensive. “Nevermind, it’s okay.”

“Shut up. Let’s bake.” Baekhyun strides past him and opens the cabinets, searching for a large bowl. “We should bake you a cake!”

Kyungsoo laughs, coming around the counter. He pauses at the refrigerator, and Baekhyun starts to turn around curiously to see what he’s doing when he feels Kyungsoo’s fingers at his waist. He’s holding his breath as Kyungsoo puts the apron over his head, deftly tying the strings behind him and deliberately straightening the cloth. “You want to bake a cake even though you already bought me one?” His hands linger at his waist. “The baking stuff is in the bottom cabinets.”

He’s able to breathe again when Kyungsoo pulls away to get eggs. “I don’t know how to bake,” he warns.

“Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.”

What really ends up happening is Baekhyun messes up every single step until he’s covered in every ingredient on the counter, Kyungsoo laughing and picking up after him. They have a simple vanilla cake in the oven by the time it’s over and Kyungsoo ushers Baekhyun into the bathroom with a towel and his clothes so he can clean up. The apron wasn’t as effective as it should have been, but then it wasn’t meant to protect his hair from cake batter.

By the time he’s out Kyungsoo is on the couch with the blanket they’d huddled in earlier, and for a second Baekhyun thinks they’re going to watch another movie until he realizes Kyungsoo is asleep. Drying his hair, Baekhyun takes in the soft expression on his face, how he breathes and how he’s still sitting up, his head leaning to the side. It can’t be comfortable. Baekhyun goes and turns off the light, carefully sitting next to him. He guides him down until he’s lying in his lap, the blanket tight around his shoulders. In this position, Baekhyun feels like he’s taking care of Kyungsoo. For once, he’s the one who needs protection. A baby swaddled in a blue blanket, hand fisting the cloth. Baekhyun strokes his hair and closes his eyes, suddenly feeling like he could sleep too. It would be so easy, warm like this, but he’s just drifting off when the alarm for the oven goes off. Kyungsoo stirs.

“Baek…?”

“‘Morning.” Baekhyun smiles. “You fell asleep.”

“How long?” He’s disoriented, but then he curses at the incessant alarm, rushes up and Baekhyun dies laughing. The cake is fine but he still acts upset at Baekhyun for not waking him up immediately. “We have to wait for it to cool before we decorate it.”

“So what do you want to do while we wait?”

They end up playing cards, and of course Baekhyun wins nearly every game except for the one he loses on purpose, just to see Kyungsoo’s face brighten. After they decorate the cake they lay the two out on the coffee table, theirs with squiggly lines and silly drawings and the store-bought all pristine and perfect, and they put a million candles on both. Baekhyun turns out the lights and takes a video on his phone while singing, and the two of them eat cake and laugh about the fact that there’s way too much for just the two of them.

“You should have invited more people,” Baekhyun says, savoring the taste of their creation. Kyungsoo chews, watching his expression with sparkling eyes.

“I didn’t want anyone else to come.”

“Oh.” He swallows. “Well now we have too much to eat.”

“Take some home with you. I’m sure Jongdae will eat a bunch.”

He would. Baekhyun smiles, licks some icing from his fingers. “I still can’t believe you’re younger than me.”

“I can.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “You just seem older. I don’t know. But I look up to you.”

“Because I’m taller.”

He laughs and Kyungsoo tells him to shut up, he’s only taller by an inch. “I just think you’re really strong. And you’re so… bright. I feel dull compared to you.”

“You aren’t dull.”

“Really?”

“Like that. When you smile especially. And when you laugh.”

“I like it when you laugh too,” Kyungsoo says.

They smile at each other, and it’s then that Baekhyun realizes what’s happening and that he wants to stop it. On the wall behind Kyungsoo the clock says 8:08, and Baekhyun hears it. _8:08, make a wish._

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo starts. His eyes are warm and adoring and something is starting here, Baekhyun can tell. “I--”

He’s cut off by Baekhyun dropping his fork and covering his mouth. Instantly, heat radiates from the point where Kyungsoo’s lips brush against his palm, but he doesn’t pull away from the electricity that seems to rush into his fingertips. “Don’t. I know what you’re going to say, and I…”

But he’s helpless against Kyungsoo, who gently reaches up to remove his hands. “And what?”

“Don’t.”

“I think I love you,” he says. 

“It hasn’t even been a year.”

“I know. I just think I do. Even though it doesn’t make sense, it’s there.”

“You can’t.”

“Why?”

It’s impossible to tear his eyes away. “I’m sick.”

“I know.” 

The answer comes without surprise. His expression must be collapsing, but Kyungsoo’s doesn’t change. It’s still gentle, he’s still holding his hands.

“I know, Baekhyun. It’s okay. It doesn’t change anything for me. It won’t.”

“You say that now, but…”

“Now and later.” Kyungsoo tightens his hold on his hands, it’s the first time Baekhyun has heard his voice like this. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”

“Even if I might leave you?”

It’s there again, the subtle sadness in his eyes, but there’s love there too. “Even if you might leave me.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze doesn’t leave his face. He leans forward to wipe beneath Baekhyun’s eye, and Baekhyun is surprised that he’s crying. “I’m sorry-- fuck, it’s your birthday--”

“Shh. Stop apologizing.” Kyungsoo comes around the table and puts his arms around him. He smells of vanilla cake and soap. Baekhyun buries his face into his chest and closes his eyes. 

They stay like that for a while. Then Baekhyun helps Kyungsoo clean up and says he should be going home. 

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

He's stepping out of the door when Kyungsoo catches his hand, and then they’re kissing at the entrance of his apartment, his lips are soft and move gently against his. Baekhyun’s eyes are closed when Kyungsoo pulls away. He feels a peck at his cheek and opens them again to see Kyungsoo smiling. 

He really is beautiful. “Happy birthday,” Baekhyun says. 

“Thanks."

They start dating after that.

Jongdae is thrilled. Kyungsoo comes over more just to hang out. He sleeps over enough that Jongdae says he should just live with them, and although Baekhyun knows he’s joking he secretly agrees. He loves being in bed with Kyungsoo just before he falls asleep, loves the way he fits so perfectly against him and the warmth of his hands in his own. He doesn’t sleep the way Baekhyun does, sleeps quietly and without the drama of nightmares. Baekhyun likes that he can hear his steady breaths when he wakes in the middle of the night. He likes that they’re still in the same position as he fell asleep in, likes that he can pull him closer and dream again.

In the mornings Kyungsoo will wake up first. Baekhyun will feel him stir just outside of his sleepy haze, know that he’s turned to look at him as he always does in that small window of time before Baekhyun opens his eyes. When he does they exchange a good morning, and Baekhyun will think about how pretty Kyungsoo looks in the light, and Kyungsoo will tell him he looks pretty too.

He’s still sick. That hasn’t changed. But what has changed is that, when he looks into the mirror and hates himself for his sunken eyes, Kyungsoo comes and hugs him from behind, and he feels the same as he used to. Bright, alive. It’s only morning and it’s not even 8:08 yet, but every day he sees Kyungsoo is every day his wish is answered, 8:08, _I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all.
> 
> Stay happy, stay safe. Listen to This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory. You won't regret it, I promise. See you in the next fic <3
> 
> (Edit: I will return to this to add more. I'm feeling a lil unsatisfied now. But I'll keep it up since it might be a while until my next fic ;-;)


End file.
